Monday, May 06, 2013

I Just Want Every Man In The World To Keep An Eye On Every Woman In The World.


I Just Want Every Man In The World To Keep An Eye On Every Woman In The World.


FYI, just another typical manecdote from "that dood", or the "I've got a 20 year mortgage but want my house to be in a cool place" dood who can figure out what to dood and how people can control their future like other doods before me by solving everyone's small problems so they can easily handle bigger ones.

I mean really, all I'm trying to do is get every man in the world to keep an eye on every woman in the world and make sure they stop any men who mess with them. There are enough screwing up to make the rest of us valuable and that will fix things fast because people will relax, start to empower each other and have fun.


Funny Recommended SNL Skit Break:

Colonel Angus - Christopher Walken - Saturday Night Live


Maybe there's not supposed to be any dood who's supposed to be able to tell men what to dood about anything they should dood. Maybe no man is supposed to dood anything except what another man or woman like their boss tells them and then nothing but relax and have fun. But, that's what's made all this such an interesting challenge. The fact is I've gotten away with reacting to people and things happening and making public suggestions like this for two years and hundreds of people a day just keep saying hello wherever I go.

People don't really want to do what they're doing but not admitting, or men copying female body language, sexually harassing each other, jealously harassing women to trick men into looking at them like they're actual women and men and women both quickly scratching, wiping, picking, coughing and sneezing to say hello, talk or communicate in some way. They may still do it, but they don't want to, which is where I come in.

I know this for a fact because I can shut it down anywhere I go, including at Yorkdale Mall on Saturday during the day, on King Street that night, at Kensington Market on Sunday and Dundas Square and so on.

I can either ignore people doing this and see others stop, or say something and they stop, but no matter what they just keep saying hello every few seconds all day and night and whether I'm saying something or not.

I've told people I don't care if they all stop and never say hello again. I'm busy and I'd just be busier and would find some way to say or do something interesting or impressive if I wanted people's attention anyway.

This is why they say hello to a "man" like me: they know I won't bother them much no matter who they are and even if they pull some sketchy weird crap. Men can bring their women and families and it's not an issue since I never ask for extra attention. Women and girls can say hello and flirt, chill-out, or request and require nothing and I politely ignore them. If I even accidentally look like I fell into the sketchy and weird scratchy crap-trap by wiping or scratching incidentally or simply being a busy and/or sweaty guy, many people feel a bit thrown off like "they got him too" or "how do I respond?" and women in particular get paranoid. So: I usually don't.

Men who see and hear me about this start to politely and briefly make eye contact, exchange intelligent looks, sometimes smile about something if it makes sense, like reacting to something that happened including an intelligent man saying something intelligent, feel and look better and get the respect of the women and children they're with who they can also keep in eye on easier when they're not trying to pose for other men. I will actually say this too and everyone respects it, including many girlfriends who get a little in-and-out of trouble thrill and quickly scamper to catch up with their busy men who said hi to another busy man who politely acknowledged their girl as well instead of girls being confused about what kind of crap they should pull to flirt with any man who's not a p-ssy who wants to pose for other men since she's stuck with one.

Of course, I don't know everything, but don't insult me by asking me how I know this, or a lot of stuff.

I know when it's a pose-off for me the girls are looking for a man who's not a p-ssy and who doesn't do this to validate them even at the expense of out-posing their own man in this bizarre paradigm. So, men should knock it off. I've even seen many couples stalking girls and sometimes try to stop it, or sometimes say "You used to hate this happening to you and now you don't? Or you just can't stop it?" to the girlfriend as they're both stalking away. It's probably true. Now that women are less in control of the attention they seek it's hard to keep an eye on them freaking out when I start paying attention to them to hopefully help them out no matter who or where they are. This never, ever, ever used to be a problem and shouldn't be one now. Heck, I even used to save them from my second floor office window at Bay and Bloor crossing the street by keeping an eye on them while on the phone typically with some Fortune 500 VP while transcribing the conversation we were having fast on my laptop. They'd just casually brush their hair and relax while I kept an eye on them below and their male stalker competed for the attention, lost and left. We worked together effortlessly and easily and this was always the case until about two months ago.

Women who now get my attention and then try to quickly trick me into looking at them scratching or wiping their nose and then start stomping around are often ignored since it's so jarring to be "tricked" into looking at anything as soon as someone gets my attention and to pay attention to someone freaking out, especially a woman since a man can easily get blamed for causing it. Instead of the rest thinking "he's so rude and doesn't know how to treat a lady!" most try harder to relax and make a better impression for their benefit and mine and feel and look better. I will often actually say this and tell them to stop screwing up their "chick shui", or a variation on "feng shui" atmospherics since they are not in control of the attention they seek when they start they're tortured scratching and stomping and attacking or running and look like hell, or just zombie at me and hope I like them while scratching instead of offering some respect and using their beer-commercial powers to control some of the attention they seek. Depending on the situation and how aggressive they are, I've said it point-blank: you used to be a girl and now you're acting just the men acting like you who harass you when they don't play with each other enough, so now your chickie stuff is busted and you can't just try to trick me into or force me to treat you like a girl with no respect involved since I try to protect my ego at all costs and was trying to protect yours and theirs too. While some women are mad at and even hate me, I told them I don't mind and will take the hit as long as they're also thinking of snapping out of it. I've also had women hate me before and it's usually because they loved me, so hopefully they cycle through this quickly for their needs.

If I don't say anything it's a bit tougher, but I can still manifest this if there are enough people around to see the difference in how I react to them and then how they react to me. That's how people figure all this out.

Otherwise I'm trapped places in social situations where half the people there want me to watch them wisely wipe their nose, scratch themselves and so on to communicate and are surprised when I quickly look away in disgust and horror because I think it's disgusting and horrible. Sometimes many stop, actually look at me in a way that lets me look at their relaxed face, read it and trust them, relax and understand at least my thinking.

Perhaps it's all a bit weird, but as I sit here this morning listening to "Waiting In Vain" on repeat, I recall something I just thought of recently. Bob Marley's challenge was to tell people who didn't know what was going on but talked a lot what's up. I have to tell people who do know what's going on but don't talk a lot what's up. So, it's a different challenge. Bob was dealing with the colonially conquered, mostly illiterate and poverty-stricken Jamaican masses. I'm dealing with the colonially conquered, wealth-educated and politically correct-stricken Canadian masses. I'm not saying I'm him at all. I'm just saying I get inspired and think of what to do about this because that's what you're supposed to do with his music and what other people are supposed to do with my acapella efforts. I know it works because I always see it work. Just not enough.

People here will hear me say stuff like that and vibe like they get it, just like with most of my other allegories, including me recently calling the "Nightmare on Bay Street", or all the stalking, sheepish, sideways and tricky attention getting and stealing and running and pushing and shoving in downtown Toronto's financial district in the underground PATH system the worst ghetto I've ever seen. It sounds crazy but I'm completely serious when it looks like increasingly quiet and paranoid people are more worried than ever because nobody knows what anybody will do when anybody else is around. It's like living among addicts, schizophrenics, criminals and worse since any second anybody could attack or freak anybody else out without anybody admitting it or saying anything about it. Except of course for me when I drop by and explain it to people.

So, I said it's worse than any 'hood in Scarborough where I'm from, worse than Jane and Finch, Regent Park, Compton, Cuba and Puerto Rico among other hoods I've seen where people were far more chilled out. I said I'd much rather deal with big black guys standing around smoking blunts and only grilling you to make sure you don't bother them than this paranoid nightmare where the guys can't even trust each other enough to form gangs to protect themselves or commit crimes because no man knows what any man will do or try to get away with and not admit when you see them. Then again, when you force people to live in these horrible conditions it's no wonder they snap. Then I'll point to the white marble walls and complain nobody is cleaning up the stains, save a few women from stalkers, tease a fine woman proudly walking by saying she's a "rose that grew from concrete" that gives everyone hope and beautiful ghetto princess determined to keep her pride and dignity by walking tall with the finest fake Fendi bag on the block, get a great education, make it out the 'hood, find a nice boy and settle down. Perhaps they all need to get together and draw a big mural with everyone holding hands in suits and ties under a rainbow on a sunny day to finally give peace a chance.

While this is fun and I'm glad people are giving themselves a chance to get out of this by giving me attention, this also makes it harder to sell music, books, t-shirts and anything else when people don't even admit what's going on for years. I'm not saying people don't help me out by being nice, or interviewing me for TV, or asking me questions so I can show I'm normal and polite to others, but I'm not sure how I can smash this B.S. to bits that way, I'm sure we should and I'm sure people want to. This is why I try not to feel sorry for myself no matter how broke and isolated I get, though it makes it hard to invest in anything besides housing, feeding and transporting my big mouth. Maybe it's my fault that I haven't done a better job, but I'm fine with all those thoughts as long as people have some others and can make the changes they want to make anyway.

We all know it's also hard to try and impress people with money and get some from them when you don't have much. So, it's a constant struggle when it comes to what to do. I've been working and yuppie-boozing, successfully dropping $50 - 100 at the bar and saying more interesting things about normal things than most while sliding in some allegories in mixed company, but again, it's just inherently impressive and that's about it.

It's also a lot different then the wild man on the streets creating an "other" so people can clearly see each other, or saying "How do you survive? Weighing 165? In a city where the skinny n-ggaz die? Tell mama don't cry, 'cause even if they kill me, they can never take the game from a young g, I'm still ballin'..." (Tupac Shakur) to make my point among the giant Canadian monster-men who I'm defending their women from.

If I decide to do anything I have many options, especially since we've all been raised on the individual "hero" or "lone wolf" archetype which makes it tougher to work together to kick-ass but easy to watch someone do it just like in the movies and more. I often use a simple formula which involves coming in hard like I hate all this crap, then softening up and being whimsical, thoughtful or singy, then shrinking politely and quietly and being more accessible once people fear and respect me and then like me because I'm not acting scary anymore, especially women who love the fact that they can tease a big (?) badass into being polite and shy.

Or: "Don't worry, I'm a man and I won't say or do anything, but that doesn't mean I can't, so there, relax."

Women used to have such magnificent magic chick-tricks that they could flash some side-boob from 6-inches of car window a thousand yards away, or nonchalantly frame and turn their head slowly from side to side where a subway car window is between two passing trains like a flip-book, or with enough time, safety and runway space go to "Chickie Narnia" where they are so focused on looking and feeling beautiful that they can't see anything at all, like roads, cars, people, husbands, children and so on and completely blow your mind with "chickstasy", or that chickie-ecstasy they can put out and put you in a ridiculously good mood so you run around doing all sorts of crazy stuff for them, or tons of wonderful and fulfilling stuff like that.

Now, many women and girls are just not sure what they should do with the attention they seek which makes the whole exchange too nervous. This is why I'm making an executive decision as the man on these streets to figure out another way forward. People are obviously concerned about this and trying to communicate with me in weirder and weirder ways that push them further away from talking to me or each other, so I'm not going along to not get along with it. I'm also running out of money and patience, which is the only time this happens, but once I focus I can do things like write this blog to use and generate energy to continue by doing something worthwhile. If indeed this is. That's up to people. Otherwise nothing is happening and "I" don't even exist, or the man who everyone said hello to for two years here wasn't here at all and the guy who has to fit in to get in shows up. People might still sheepishly signal they know what I'm up to, but that's not enough to keep me up to it, so that'll eventually die down and I can even do some scratching just to get by.

Since I still can't talk to anybody about this much and I'm not sure where to go from here, I'm going to have to give up again, get and keep a good job, do nothing about people's biggest problems they don't admit, lay low and come back later to see if there's anything I can do unless I quickly get financial, intellectual or physical help. Just take up a collection plate and hand me an an envelope if that's easier. I never bother people even when I'm running around un-bothering them since I'm not "needy", I'm "busy" and staying so.

Women used to know that even if I was "that dood" that I'm still just some dood who should chill out, shut up and stay still while they were nice enough to flirt and impress themselves and me in a moment that will never again happen in history, which was fantastic since we could relax and I could take care of the rest.

Of course, this is not ideal when it comes to solving related problems, but at least I didn't have to worry about what they wanted to do when they saw me. All I want women and girls to do is focus on making themselves as happy as they want so I don't have to "worry" about it and can just "work" on other stuff.

Now, people in general and women especially seem want to communicate with me about this stuff by scratching and so on, but I don't do that or know how, nor do I think it's helping when I'm trying to save masculinity and femininity worldwide by starting with representative samples in uber-multi-cultural Toronto, then metaphorically becoming the Male Oprah in some fashion and exporting solutions worldwide. Soon.

Maybe I'm wrong about this, but I'd like to figure out other ways to communicate and move forward, get enough credibility and money to be impressive to more people, then push ideas as only I can to a broader audience. I've done lots of "media" stuff and can rap and sing on the streets and impress people, so none of this is an issue save for the fact that nobody talks about it. Yet. To once again quote the great Bob Marley, "They go so much things to say right now, they got so much things to say", so at least that's a good start.

No worries. If people want me to continue to be effective and impressive enough to impress them in better ways they'll simply have to help me out just like they do their favourite artists. I heard the prices for Leaf tickets to last nights playoff game ranged from $300 to $10,000, so there's easily enough money in this city to offer me enough to make me impressive enough to push these ideas and help men and women relax and feel like it, to say nothing of the confused children out there who should be saved from this too. If you want.

Anyway, maybe I'm a sucker for love, or maybe being born and raised here I got lots of people here who I want to help save, or maybe I'm worried about the children, like the 2 year old girl I know who I told to stop scratching to talk because she's inherently special and everything she does is cute whose eyes got dark and mouth pursed as she looked mad as f--k about the confused joke she was caught in when she can simply relax, act natural and remain a beautiful little girl. Or maybe I'm just wasting time like an Olympic medalist who trains for years and then stumbles and fails, but none of that bothers me as much as what's going on and what's happening to people who can't talk about it happening. So, I'll leave you with an old classic that's pleasantly ringing in my ears and should pleasantly ring in yours. I hope you enjoy it and your option too, or the man who can help you. Once you take me as seriously as I take you we'll be fine, because I know it.

Relax and don't worry, after bouncing off everyone everywhere and understanding what they want to do, I'm waiting and vain and ready when you are to move forward and get this done fast for everyone to enjoy the summer. This means instead of people running away from what we're becoming, simply relaxing and politely respecting each other all day and night when we're all connected, empowering each other and enjoying it.

I can say for sure this is What You Want To Believe In, among other things, but this is sir-tainly on the list.


It's Nice to Meet You
Which Is Better Than Not
What You Want to Believe In Dot Com


Bob Marley - Waiting in Vain - Original



If you don't want to talk about it, but still want me to fix it, no problem. Just visit a TD Canada branch, use this info and donate cash.

Name: Vijay Sarma

TD Canada Trust Bank Account Number: 3058-6062898

You can anonymously say I'm a performance artist you want to support. If I get enough donations, I'll find new ways to finish this myself.


"1, 2, 3: 

I don't wanna wait in vain for your love; 
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love. 
From the very first time I rest my eyes on you, girl, 
My heart says follow through. 
But I know, now, that I'm way down on your line, 
But the waitin' feel is fine: 
So don't treat me like a puppet on a string, 
'Cause I know I have to do my thing. 
Don't talk to me, as if you think I'm dumb; 
I wanna know when you're gonna come.


I don't wanna wait in vain for your love; 
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love; 
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love, 

'Cause if summer is here, 
I'm still waiting there; 
Winter is here, 
And I'm still waiting there. 

Like I said: 

It's been three years since I'm knockin' on your door, 
And I still can knock some more: 
Ooh girl, ooh girl, is it feasible? 
I wanna know now, for I to knock some more. 

Ya see, in life I know there's lots of grief, 
But your love is my relief: 
Tears in my eyes burn - tears in my eyes burn 
While I'm waiting - while I'm waiting for my turn, 


I don't wanna wait in vain for your love; 
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love; 
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love; 
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love; 
I don't wanna wait in vain for your love, oh! 

I don't wanna - I don't wanna - I don't wanna - I don't wanna - 
I don't wanna wait in vain. 
I don't wanna - I don't wanna - I don't wanna - I don't wanna - 
I don't wanna wait in vain. 

No, I don't wanna (I don't wanna - I don't wanna - I don't wanna - 
I don't wanna - I don't wanna wait in vain) - 

No I - no I (I don't wanna - I don't wanna - I don't wanna - I don't 
Wanna - I don't wanna wait in vain) - 

No, no-no, I, no, I (I don't wanna - I don't wanna - I don't wanna - 
I don't wanna - I don't wanna wait in vain) - 

It's your love that I'm waiting on (I don't wanna - I don't wanna - 
I don't wanna - I don't wanna - I don't wanna wait in vain); 

It's me love that you're running from. 
It's Jah love that I'm waiting on (I don't wanna - I don't wanna - 

I don't wanna - I don't wanna - I don't wanna wait in vain); 
It's me love that you're running from..."

- Bob Marley and the Wailers, "Waiting In Vain"



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