FYF: From Relapse to Recovery to Handsomely Paid Prelapse + Google News search "zombie" results: See?
Seriously, all you have to do is watch me walk on the sidewalk to see World War Z in 3D while I ignore it.
While I'm not doing anything significant about this unless I get paid a lot of money first, I did have a couple of relapses recently when it comes to committing to giving up my third-person alpha male persona on February 25th, 2014 at 7:30 pm after getting grumpy and wasting too much time. Or, the guy who can speak on this stuff authoritatively and stop it wherever I go, mainly because he can speak without ripping his balls off first.
Frankly, it's incredibly addicktive, but also isolating and alienating, which I need to get paid for, or to change.
All I'm doing now is planning to kill it at my 9 to 5 grind, which I'm really looking forward to, plus working on consulting angles with employees, businesses, artists and individuals, couples and groups who want to discuss personal issues. When I'm formally engaged with someone I can say something like "I'm sorry, but as soon as somebody makes me worry about what they're going to do I ignore them so I don't have to", etc.
Otherwise I can just completely ignore it as soon as it starts and people just want my attention even more.
For a while I've known I can ignore people trying to freak me out, trick me into looking at stuff, or nag me with nervous nonsense and it doesn't affect how much attention people want to give me. Or, they don't say "He's wrong, he's a loser, forget about him!" or whatever, they just respect that I respect myself too much to bother with it and respect them too much to bother them at all and keep trying to give me attention anyway.
This includes most men, women and children since everyone is basically doing the same thing now anyway.
Since attention is the new currency and people are obviously craving it and going to great lengths to get it, they must be failing miserably with what they're up to since they shouldn't have to, or the harder they try the less they succeed. While I try not to look at people most of the time now since it's too unpleasant, it's still great for the ego to know that people want to give it to me, so I'm not affected even if I don't look at all.
While I tried to be nice and formally respond or signal to people, it just makes them obsessed, so I stopped.
Wherever I go with everyone I see, people freaking out the most and being the most needy and pushy and spazzy are probably making it hard for anyone to give them attention worth anything, or get any credit for jacking looks that are unpleasantly jarring and uncomfortable. People seem to be destroying their egos by either jacking people for attention and feeling bad when it's not appreciated, or being jacked themselves.
Seriously, freaking people out to try and get credit for it must be horrible, just like being freaked out must be.
While nobody knows for sure, this behaviour appears to portend the long-foretold zombie apocalypse, or long in modern internet terms, which is like a couple of years. At this rate, by the time it hits, if it does, people will be able to smugly say "See? I told you!" because it's already planted as a seed in our minds through the ostensible use of predictive programming, or putting ideas in our heads so they can easily manifest them later.
Nobody knows for sure, but people who look into it can guess the establishment does this, so I did it too:
"Let me tell you dudes, what I do, to protect this,
Shoot at you actors, like movie directors,
Jackin' Jay-Z, 'til Biggie' verse detected,
Jackin', 'til I'm packin' a wad, to eject it,
Take it to ya face, now ya brain, expect it,
Pre-dictive program, un-predictably hectic,
Saw 'Pac, get resurrected,
Thought, f--k it, my block needs a Pac too,
Now check it..."
- Black Krishna, "The Pop-Culture Vulture"
Shoot at you actors, like movie directors,
Jackin' Jay-Z, 'til Biggie' verse detected,
Jackin', 'til I'm packin' a wad, to eject it,
Take it to ya face, now ya brain, expect it,
Pre-dictive program, un-predictably hectic,
Saw 'Pac, get resurrected,
Thought, f--k it, my block needs a Pac too,
Now check it..."
- Black Krishna, "The Pop-Culture Vulture"
(We now return you to your regularly scheduled predictive programming:)
While I spent 2011 and 2012 being a heroically effective source of hope and change, I spent some of 2013 bitching about not being paid for this, which was a mistake and still is. Nobody wants to hear it and it takes away from the power I have to influence people, but one of my strengths is telling the truth when nobody else does to a lot of people, which includes pay me or screw positive reinforcement, you'll get my bitter bullsh-t.
This is also because there's no other way to get enough people to respect it to work and I'm in it to win it.
As long as the people of Toronto support me I'll help them feel relaxed, confident and happy and many know I can, so that's what I'm waiting for while I work on other stuff. The plan was always to beat this here with a multicultural population and then export the solutions worldwide since they'd probably work. It still is. All I need is the resources to. With lots of relatively wealthy but nervous people making people nervous: I'm here.
Otherwise I'm afraid many will get stressed and depressed, which is the only reason I keep this option open.
Another thing is the girls finally cracked in March/April 2013, or after showing up wherever I was usually ready to relax and/or party, they started showing up exhausted, then finally snapped and started freaking out on me when they wanted attention just like the guys who were chasing them around like big, silent, hairy and scary bitchy and ugly chicks who keep breaking them and then copying their broken stuff. This crushed me.
I mean, I never cared what they did, which is why they loved me. But, I can't take anyone f--king with me.
Seeing supermodels on King Street wearing thousand dollar dresses and looking for millionaire husbands get my attention like every girl does and then suddenly freak out and wipe their nose from their knuckles to their elbows felt like a shotgun blast to the head after what I was used to, among more unpleasant crap. I enjoyed getting worked up on my own with them as a pleasant source of stress relief -- and -- the feeling was mutual.
To quote 2Pac: "The money is mandatory, the ho's is for the stress..." (All Eyez On Me) and that's changed.
Now that people just want to take their frustrations out on each other as opposed to alleviate them, my great plan to put people in positions to consistently and casually empower each other has fallen apart. Of course, I don't have "300" men to help me like those p-ssies in that movie up against millions. If I did all of this would have been over years ago. It's just lil' old 5'10" 165 lb me on these means streets surviving and thriving.
Oh yeah, to all the girls out there, I didn't mean that, they're nice guys too and this is just a different situation.
To continue the 2Pac quote: "This criminal lifestyle, equipped with a bullet-proof vest, just keep your eyes on a meal-ticket, get your money motherf-cker, let's get rich and we'll kick-it, all eyez on me...", or if I can get rich enough to party with the best, buy a bunch of these thirsty broads drinks and talk to and listen to people on the regular, this can be over just by my sheer force of will in how I carry myself without me saying a thing.
People only respect money anyway, not themselves, each other, G-d or anyone else, so I need to get a lot.
Otherwise I'm just an anomaly that people run into once in a while and whether I look at many twitching like crackheads or spazzing like zombies and whether they get mad or not is irrelevant since it won't change what's happening to them before they see me and I choose not to see them bothering me. They can silently say "You!" and get excited to relax and then forget to relax, but I'm still relaxed, confident, happy and busy.
After relapsing and recovering after seeing the relapses as just narcissistic nonsense of my own: I'm out.
This means the only thing I'll do is talk to people if they want to talk to me about their stuff or mine, or some combination of both. Otherwise I'm staying polite, brief, relaxed, confident, happy and busy and ready to sell it any time people want to buy it. As soon as someone moves faster on purpose, or makes me worry about what they're going to do, I just ignore them so that I don't have to and focus on what I'm doing and enjoying.
As a busy man doing important things my time is not to be trifled with by anyone but myself and that's that.
Of course, I can positively impact things, but I often get caught up in doing so and people get addicted to trading nonsense for sense, or bugging me like a jukebox to spit out more crap about what they're the most worried about, or what's happening to them and everyone else which makes them worried wherever they go. This is understandable, but so is my need to get paid for this work or get donations to work, or I'll drop it.
While I could've worked harder and used my time better, I'm caught between doing so and acting normal.
Frankly, I don't know anyone who has more pressure to do and not do something at the same time, or the same people who want me to go nuts and try to save them also want me to chill out so we can hang out. So, I'm in a bind that I'm getting out of. If I hold firm to my principles and refuse to give in to the zombie-stuff then at least someone with high standards for attention to stay in a good more can help others do so too.
To quote the great Dr. Henry Makow: "Flirting is an exchange of vulnerability for power". Or maybe it was.
Yesterday I saw at most 1 and a 1/2 girls the whole day who were engaging in that way. One was a beautiful little black girl who looked worried despite my bravado which made me think of the difference between me and her playing zombie-avoidance football. This made me grit my teeth, get mad about it and determined to fix it for her. The other was a lovely asian girl who tried her best... but was ultimately distracted. That's it.
The rest of the beautiful and powerful women were just acting pushy, bitchy, twitchy, nervous and frustrated.
Guys are no better, except for maybe being a bit less scared and messed up since they're bigger and stronger so they aren't as worried when trying to act like a vulnerable girl. They've just never had much luck with each other, so they're just as pushy, bitchy, nervous and frustrated if not more. As I've said a million times guys I'm talking about are not gay, or a gay-guy couldn't get a date acting like a harassing crackhead zombie-chick.
Plus, the good news is they really want to stop if they think they can. Or else they wouldn't let me stop them.
While of course having fun a lot of the time, this is what kept me going, or the knowledge that no matter how messed-up people are when I see them and don't say anything, all I have to do is say something, or just keep my pride in dignity in the face of them losing theirs by begging me to look at them act messed-up and I can change the situation. The former works better of course, but once people see others acting crazy, many stop.
This brings me from Relapse to Recovery to Handsomely Paid Prelapse, or prelude to relapsing with cash.
As I've said before, because I originally just wanted to save girls from stalkers who were making themselves and their victims miserable all day and night everywhere, plus crowders, interrupters, harassers and more, or formerly guys falling apart acting like bitchy-ugly chicks trying catch a tan off a real girl's sunshine or steal her mojo, I didn't mind all the risks involved, including possible fights, jail, loony binnery, isolation, poverty, etc.
As long as I'm a man and I see a woman or girl in trouble who acts like it with me, then I'm game to help.
However, those days are long gone. Now that I can't stand to look at most people who want my attention because they're unpleasantly aggressive, or pushy, tricky, spazzy, needy, creepy and so on, I can't even say stuff that makes sense and exchange intelligent looks, or if I go big enough to shut it down as I tested recently it just puts me in the same bind of risking everything and falling off the mainstream fam, friends, job radar.
This is not something I will do again since I owe everyone someone they can talk to, about and hang with.
Therefore, I'm once again leaving you with the same option I left you with before and the only one that I'll think of for free, or my WYWTBI Consulting website where you can either contact me and pay me for help or advice, or make contributions to give me the resources I need to succeed for you. Otherwise I'm just slowly hustling for opps on my own while ignoring the need to take care of any of this stuff quickly or at all.
Perhaps I'll still rap and sing and allude to it in creative ways, but they won't reach millions quickly like I can.
If what's on the table isn't good enough for you then that's fine, or to quote Drake: "I'm the furthest thing from perfect, like everyone I know..." so it is what it is. My taste for this fight has gone after officially retiring on July 1st, 2013, then dabbling in it again for a bit, then being mostly out of town and busy for months, then coming back to see the full-on zombie apocalypse in development happening at a rapid rate wherever I am.
Of course I feel bad for people, but when most just want to make me feel bad, I don't feel nearly as bad.
Now that this behaviour is becoming a significant part of people's egos and feelings of self-worth, it's going to be hard to critique it even casually, though I still do in formal situations like when I'm buying something and talking to someone and say "Sorry, as soon as I worry about what you're going to do then I don't want to look at you anymore", which seems to work. I'm not saying it all the time though, only when I really have to.
So, I'm just keeping busy and working on a million dollars instead of a million people who know I can help.
This cathartic free-blogging seems to be doing some good with lots of people hitting the site with impressive numbers that I'm not really sure I can define or trust, but it's good for me to get this stuff out this way instead of losing it elsewhere, as fun as that can be. The appetite for free content in 3D Facebook world is huge and I've filled it before. To get anything else done about this, please visit the website below and see your options.
While quietly busy, know I'm an investment and gamble on your future to make or take when you want to.
On a positive note, I'm looking into a lot of modern behaviour, sales psychology, positive thinking and more to help nuance my approach to everything since going hard at this stuff has made me too hard to hold and too hard for most, which keeps me safer as a celebrity with no bodyguards but ultimately less accessible. I'm fine with changing this on my terms, but otherwise staying polite, focused and busy to get more stuff done.
My regrets are that I made a lot of mistakes and my supreme confidence can make me slack. But I'm cool.
As long as people want my attention and think it's important for any reasons then we're in business and they can formally address me while initially being polite and brief, or pay for it. If they get bored and can't get interesting then that's they're problem and not mine. If I'm interesting then they can get interested. My only goal is to be more productive than I have been while being distracted, so when nothing's worth it I'm not.
Check out my website for your option and options and feel free to choose wisely for your own future soon.
What I'd like to do with the money I get is stabilize and become a the Male Oprah to take strong stands on issues in many of the same ways many feminists do. Except, instead of a battle of the sexes, I'd rather fight a battle for the sexes, including male, female and everyone else who wants different options and who wants to be relaxed, relaxing and respectful about it. My beef isn't with anybody who doesn't mess with anybody.
My knowledge of the big picture means smaller ones I share with different people and even all can work.
People might think if I took this seriously then I'd do something different and work harder on it, which is a fair point. However, unless they take me seriously and make sure I'm financially and socially backed, then I'm going to go for mine and ignore as much of this as I can. If the subject comes up then I can easily speak on it in flippant, limited and obvious ways, or "people are getting more rude" and so on, but that won't change it.
To change it I need help before it's too late, or people are too worried to help me help them. You decide.
Ideally, I'll have lots of people either formally or allegorically supporting me, or giving instead of taking since that's what most want to do now which means I don't give them much if anything, except for mildly annoyed avoidance which they sometimes freak out like crazy or work for hours to get. This means work, donations, t-shirt sales, word of mouth support, extra-chicken in my shawarma's and more. Or whatever, I'm just busy.
It's cool, I shut this sh-t down in the summer of 2012 and with help I can make sure this time it ends forever.
The great news is every time someone works up the gumption to talk to me for a bit or longer it goes well like it always has, or even occasionally exchanging confident looks instead of pestering me in tricky ways to see lots of insecure ones. This is in the bag and I know it as long as I can get what I need to go from crazy to eccentric. Until then, ignoring it is working well which means I don't have to blog about it either. See ya! :)
Business . Creative . Personal
FYF, this blog was inspired by a quick Google News search of the word "zombie" without the quotes which revealed the latest news on how "everyone loves zombies" and how we're being exposed to a ton of reasons to. Since people often act like what they see on TV and other mediums, it's not surprising to see a lot more zombie-like behaviour. This is not the old fashioned slow-moving George Romero "Night of the Living Dead" stuff either, but rather the new "28 Days Later", "World War Z", "Walking Dead" and other neo-zombie stuff, or the fast-moving, twitching, spazzing and scarier versions of zombies that we often see today, or the stuff described earlier in this blog on the sidewalk and what I see around me at Starbucks and so on. Or, people acting normal and walking slow suddenly freaking out when they want or get attention like zombies on TV.
FYF/I, I've cited some search results and two fairly serious articles below and you can do this whenever you want to figure out the latest wave of zombie PR. Keep in mind this isn't some crazy indie conspira-site, these are "Google News" search results which means they have mainstream credibility, for whatever that's worth, but more importantly for your understanding, it means they have mass appeal, or these are the news articles that are hitting and influencing the most people according to the most used website in the whole wide world.
Google.ca News casual search results for the word "zombie" without the quotation marks:
About 64,300 results
- TIME-by Megan Gibson-7 hours agoIn a convergence of talents, novelist-turned-screenplay writer Bret Easton Ellis and musician-turned-director Rob Zombie are joining forces for ...
- Polygon-1 hour agoThe upcoming second expansion for Undead Labs' zombie survival sandbox title State of Decay will explore the zombie apocalypse from a ...
- New York Daily News-2 hours agoThe zombie walked. Kerry Kennedy, the 54-year-old daughter of Robert F. Kennedy, was found not guilty Friday of drugged-driving by a ...
- Polygon-6 hours agoDead Island: Epidemic, the zombie-infested multiplayer online battle arena game, is now in closed beta, publisher Deep Silver announced ...
- Entertainment Weekly-Feb 26, 2014Have you ever officiated at a zombie wedding? Of course you haven't. But do you know who has? Bruce Campbell! The Evil Dead star and ...
- Huffington Post-3 hours agoA legion of zombie super PACs -- they exist on paper but barely engage in politics, if at all -- face "administrative termination" by federal ...
- moviepilot.com-4 hours agoA new film is set to be released that will combine the mad scientist's theme-park-gone-wrong world of Jurassic Park - with zombies.
- Eurogamer.net-by Wesley Yin-Poole-10 hours agoThe Sniper Elite V2 spin-off launched a year ago on PC with the first game. Sniper Elite: Nazi Zombie Army 2 came out in October. Now, the ...
- International Business Times AU-Feb 25, 2014But is it possible that the predicted disease can cause zombie infestation? Here are scientific ways that zombie-causing illness may actually ...
- Express.co.uk-by Ben Jefferson-3 hours agoGenerally more focussed on keeping clean sheets, the pair turned their attentions to protecting zombies in an unconventional penalty shoot-out ...
International Business Times
Zombie Apocalypse 2014:
Sadhu Prophetic Disease May Link Five Scientific Ways for Zombie Attacks to Occur
By Ryan Inoyori | February 26, 2014 5:39 PM EST
Indian prophet Sadhu Sundar Selvaraj predicted an upcoming fatal disease starting in Asia which no cure is expected to stop. But is it possible that the predicted disease can cause zombie infestation? Here are scientific ways that zombie-causing illness may actually occur to start the end of the world.
Parasites Inside Your Brain
Science have already discovered several species of parasites which lodge inside the human brain. One of the most horrifying kind is the "brain-eating amoebae" called Naegleria fowleri. It can easily travel from the person's nose and goes all the up to the brain which destroys all brain tissue it can - don't forget that it can be painful when it hits the pain centre of the brain.
Second is Toxoplasma gondii that slows down reaction time and double risking people to traffic accidents. Third one found usually in rainforest and swamps is the Loa Loa eye worm which can cause cognitive losses, memory problems and personality changes.
Since parasites can affect both humans and rats, it is likely a biologically engineered parasite may start such event to be spread by our favourite pest.
Poison for the Brain
Many chemical substances occurring naturally or artificially can affect various brain functions which are called neurotoxins. In philosophical explanation of zombies, beings are under the states of lack in consciousness, sentience or awareness.
Hallucinogen drugs such as Gamma-Hydroxybutyric acid or GHB can alter the state of mind by causing memory, learning and cognitive downtime due to intoxication. Jimson weed is another popular causative agent may lead to delirium and bizarre behaviour such as in trance. Any of the two can chemically induce someone to be in zombie-like state as if under a necromantic spell.
Be Cautious About Prions
HIV affects the immune system but Mad Cow disease in humans called Creutzfeldt-Jakob or vCJD directly disrupts the brain. CJD is caused by human prion disease or misfolded proteins and leads to several unusual symptoms such as dementia, memory loss, personality changes, paranoia, psychosis and hallucinations. Those things are all mental issues which can turn almost anyone into something else, behaviourally speaking.
Don't ignore the advancement of technology for laboratories around the world have access to ways that can manipulate the human body in cellular level. Stem cell therapy which replicates neurogenesis or regeneration of neural stem cells. Neuroplasticity is another scientific method to treat brain damage, vision and learning difficulties.
If an Umbrella-like company in Resident Evil begins on researching, developing, dealing and selling such to warring nations may definitely urge chaos uncontrollable and unforeseen consequences such as zombie apocalypse. "Frankensteining" someone isn't going to bring good results.
Power of Nanotechnology
Nanotechnology aims to manipulate matter in a very tiny scale, smaller than a human cell. In movies, nanobots have been oriented which can clean, fix or even control matter invisible to the naked eye. In mobile devices, nanotech can be used to repair cracked screen, repel dust or take power from sunlight but not yet feasible for commercial use.
Robots under nano scale implanted inside your brain can induce remote control from a server, inject viruses or prions and spread diseases silently but widespread. Unlike pathogens or chemically induced zombie-like state, nanobots may last for eternity since they can manipulate matter and may stay recharged as they keep the person alive under trance. What's more scary is that nanobots can access parts of the brain which can be turn off or on like your electric switch in the living room.
Duration of Zombie Apocalypse
Zombies are classified as undead creatures and if such event happens for real, it won't last forever. Zombies are terrifying and rotting at the same time that determines their timeframe existence.
Unless the disease causing the zombie event spreads in other methods such as air, water, soil, etc, the pathogen will do the killing spree. Even nanobots won't be able to handle the basic needs required by a living being regardless if they shutdown the hunger factor. Without nutrition and food, zombies are going to die eventually.
Zombies are subjected under several environmental factors like any other living organisms which affects their survival.
1. Effects of decaying process
2. Bacterial infestation due to decomposition
3. Heat damage
4. Humidity effects
5. Various temperature
6. Lack of food supply
Whether it is happening sooner or later, you should be prepared not only against zombies but also to other catastrophes which may occur anytime. Some reviews claim places that are safe to various dangers and hopefully they will work against any zombie apocalypse.
To contact the editor, e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
The Guardian LV
Real Life Zombies
Added by Nathan Cranford on February 27, 2014.
Saved under insects, Nathan Cranford, Science, Zombie ants
Everybody loves zombies. They are arguably the most diabolical creatures of fiction to entertain our televisions. Yet one need not escape to the land of fiction to encounter a zombie. The zombie apocalypse is already here. Zombies pervade the Earth and can be found in all shapes and sizes. In fact, some philosophers who deny the existence of consciousness insist that we are born zombies. But maybe these philosophers are just obsessed with “The Walking Dead.”
So what is a zombie? Traditionally, zombies have been understood as the walking dead who lack conscious experience and exhibit cannibalistic behavior. Usually, a zombie is the corollary of virus that infects a host, annihilates conscious experience and controls anatomical behavior. A zombie is, in essence, a parasite. In this context, a zombie can be found in any biology textbook.
The biological definition of a zombie requires elaboration. Let us refer to these creatures as “natural zombies.” As referenced earlier, a zombie is usually understood as a being that lacks conscious experience and exhibits cannibalistic behavior. Yet many animals are omnivores and already lack the conscious experience associated with ourselves. Just ask, is a zombie dog logically possible? The sole purpose for any organism, biologically speaking, is to propagate its genes. In fact, the zombie analogy can be extended to genes themselves, which build biological vehicles to propagate themselves from one generation to the next. Settings genes a side, however, a natural zombie can be understood as an organism that is controlled by a parasite and can no longer reproduce.
What are some examples natural zombies? Take your pick. Parasites outnumber external organisms four to one. In this sense, the zombie apocalypse is already here. Perhaps the most eminent example of a natural zombie is the parasite lancet fluke. The journey of lancet fluke is a bit of a rabbit trail. The eggs of lancet fluke our found in cow manure. Hungry snails come along and devour the manure along with the eggs. The eggs hatch, populate the digestive gland, and make their way up to the surface of the snail. The snail tries to ward off the parasite by secreting slime. The slime conglomerates around the parasite. The snail coughs up the parasite and leaves it behind in the grass.
The journey of lancet fluke has just begun. Ants find snail slime balls irresistible. An ant comes along and devours the slime ball. Once implanted inside the ant, lancet fluke then seizes a conglomeration of nerves that controls the ant’s mandibles. The parasite plucks these nerves like a set of violin strings. The parasite then forces the ant to climb to the tops of grass-blades in an effort to be consumed by a cow. However, if the ant did this all day, it would be scorched by the heat of the sun. Lances fluke can sense the external, thermal vicinity. Therefore, the fluke will set its host free during the day and seize control during the night. Once the ant is consumed by a cow, lancet fluke reproduces in the cow’s stomach. The parasite’s eggs are then seeded in the cow’s manure, where the process starts over.
Nature is far more terrifying than any fiction produced in a television nightmare. Perhaps this is one of the reasons people prefer to escape to the land of fiction than to live in a reality that is cold and brute. However, if it is creepy crawlers, the walking dead and chaos that our hearts desire, all we need to do is step into the bio-economy of our own backyard.
By Nathan Cranford
THE WEEK Magazine
5 expert ways to deal with difficult people — and make them love you
The perfect arsenal for your next charm offensive
By Eric Barker, Barking Up the Wrong Tree | 9:41am ET
I've posted a great deal on working with difficult people and how to make people like you. What new research and expert advice can we use to better deal with difficult people?
1. The feedback sandwich doesn't work — this does
Nobody likes delivering bad news. Stanford's Jeffrey Pfeffer recommends having someone else do it whenever possible. But what about when it's unavoidable? Don't do the old "feedback sandwich" of positive comment, negative comment, positive comment. Research shows it's better to be briefly negative and then offer an extended list of positives.
An even worse prescription than praise before criticism is the so-called "criticism sandwich": 1) specific positive comments, 2) specific negative comments, and 3) an overarching positive remark. The idea here is that by bracketing the negative remarks with positive comments, you make the criticism palatable. Unfortunately, given retroactive interference and proactive enhancement, a very different outcome occurs: the criticism blasts the first list of positive comments out of the listeners' memory. They then think hard about the criticism (which will make them remember it better) and are on the alert to think even harder about what happens next. What do they get? Positive remarks that are too general to be remembered.
It is also important to consider that receiving an equal number of positive and negative remarks feels negative overall because of hedonic asymmetry and the self-serving bias. It is far better to briefly present a few negative remarks and then provide a long list of positive remarks… You should also provide as much detail as possible within the positive comments, even more than feels natural, because positive feedback is less memorable. [The Man Who Lied to His Laptop: What We Can Learn About Ourselves from Our Machines]
(More on effectively giving feedback — from the guys at Pixar – here.)
2. How to respond to impossible questions
"Which dress should I wear tonight?"
Get her to tell you the reasoning behind several choices and let her talk herself into one. Then agree. [The Art of Civilized Conversation: A Guide to Expressing Yourself With Style and Grace]
"What did you think of my violin solo?"
If you really don't like an artist's work, you don't have to lie, but find something other than a professional yardstick to measure it by. Praise the effort that made it happen, the sincerity that it shows, the artist's progress, and the heart that went into it. Ask him to tell you what it means to you. [The Art of Civilized Conversation: A Guide to Expressing Yourself With Style and Grace]
"Does this make me look fat?"
Never say "yes", "not really", "only from the back," or the obvious answer: "I refuse to answer because I don't want you to beat me up." Instead, dissemble a little: "That shirt doesn't flatter you as well as the blue one does. I like the blue one better." [The Art of Civilized Conversation: A Guide to Expressing Yourself With Style and Grace]
"Do you like the present that I gave you?"
Always acknowledge the thoughtfulness of a person's gift, even if it's something you'll never use. "Thank you so much for thinking of me" is always a safe reply. [The Art of Civilized Conversation: A Guide to Expressing Yourself With Style and Grace]
(More secrets to clicking with people here. )
3. How to go on the offensive — without being offensive
You want to get them on your side to avoid conflict. But how? Repeated studies show that flattery works.
The results of this study suggest the following social rule: don't hesitate to praise, even if you're not sure the praise is accurate. Receivers of the praise will feel great and you will seem thoughtful and intelligent for noticing their marvelous qualities — whether they exist or not. [The Art of Civilized Conversation: A Guide to Expressing Yourself With Style and Grace]
But avoid "fixed-mindset" praise; if you tell people their success is inevitable because of innate qualities it can be devastating when things don't work out.
Telling people that they are destined to succeed before they attempt a new activity can make any failures crushing. Thus, fixed-mindset praise, meant to make people feel better, can actually make people feel much worse about their work and more negative about the person who praised them if it turns out to be inaccurate. [The Man Who Lied to His Laptop: What We Can Learn About Ourselves from Our Machines]
People like others who they feel are "on their team" or who "do something just for them." When dealing with hostile or belligerent people, you can leverage this to make them feel closer to you.
Car salespeople will often say something like, "You are a very nice couple. I'm not going to let you buy this car because it's not right to you. It's true that we make the most money on selling this one, but I just can't do that to you." Savvy salespeople imply through this that they are abandoning their company team and becoming a team with the customers. They can leverage the trick of scapegoating their natural team… "My boss is going to kill me, but I'm going to challenge him to get you the car at this price. He's obsessed with every penny, but I'm committed to making this work." [The Man Who Lied to His Laptop: What We Can Learn About Ourselves from Our Machines]
(More on effective influence methods from persuasion guru Robert Cialdini here.)
4. When you are forced to argue
They won't let it go. How can you deescalate without disengaging? As always, the key is listening. And good listening means the other person knows you listened. Here's a great four step process for arguing — with minimal breaking of furniture.
How to compose a successful critical commentary:
1) You should attempt to re-express your target's position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, "Thanks, I wish I'd thought of putting it that way."
2) You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).
3) You should mention anything you have learned from your target.
4) Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.
One immediate effect of following these rules is that your targets will be a receptive audience for your criticism: you have already shown that you understand their positions as well as they do, and have demonstrated good judgment (you agree with them on some important matters and have even been persuaded by something they said). [Intuition Pumps And Other Tools for Thinking]
(More on how to win every argument here.)
5. A final thought
Remember that the key is never what you said, it's what they heard. And if you want to make things better, ignore what they said and focus on what they meant.
Join 45K+ readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.
More from Barking Up the Wrong Tree...