Ask Vij Consulting
Please visit WhatYouWantToBelieveIn.com
You, like most people, are probably open to advice that can help you feel empowered. There is a lot to choose from, so advice is being shared this way to add to what you know and learn, help you figure out what you want to believe in, and improve your relationships so you can relax and feel happier.
My name is Vijay Sarma or "Vij" (Veej). While traveling, working in film, journalism, business, the arts and more, speaking and performing in front of thousands and being inspired by artists and historical figures, I have been sharing advice on how people can casually and formally communicate better.
Do you see people as problems or solutions?
Would you like to see more people as solutions?
Can you ask yourself what would make your life easier?
It can be easy to think more positively about more people and experiences where we live. It's hard without proof, but people can do simple things to bring the best out of more people to relax and enjoy each others' company. Basic social physics principles can help create social contracts and safety nets.
Men and women can also improve many of their relationships by learning more ways to uniquely recognize and appreciate their differences more often to help them feel more masculine and feminine. Men can meet more women they like and women can meet more men they like and it is easy and fun.
Can men be more stable and women more charming?
Can men bring out the best in women and women the best in men?
Can people change how they relate to each other to improve how they feel?
People can simply do what they want with what they hear. If it's stupid, they can laugh at it. If it's smart, they can use it. It's that easy. So, you can relax. If you would like to arrange a time to discuss this online, on the phone, or in-person, then please call, text or email to figure out what works best for you.
I look forward to hearing from you.
While I have proven the value of and written down many ideas, they are best shared in conversations to clarify things and answer questions.
Social Physics 101: General Rules of Silent Public Engagement in Passing for Men and Women to Help Them Empower Each Other
While individuals may differ, generally speaking men and women can relax and appreciate each other more in public in passing on a regular basis by observing a few simple timeless and timely rules. Physical proximity and attention are the most important thing. People should generally be conservative in their interactions and offer strangers extra space and privacy. People can either respond with compelling requests for attention or leave you alone as well.
Most men can scare most women just by staring at or coming close to them; but most women can't scare most men that way. As long as this is generally true, then people know they have to rely on each other being disciplined in their daily interactions to feel happy. Since 90% of communication is non-verbal and often with strangers, it's good to get it consistently right and to receive positive, energizing and empowering feedback from people whenever possible.
Of course, it sounds easy. And it is. And fun.
What do men and women want from each other?
This basic advice may help more people figure it out.
1. Men want to feel powerful and respected.
2. Women want to feel safe and appreciated.
3. Men are bigger, stronger and more threatening.
4. Women need men to help them feel safe and sexy.
5. Men need women to respect them without fearing them.
6. Women need men to appreciate them without scaring them.
7. Men have a simple job: prevent themselves from bothering anyone.
8. Women have a more complicated job: to find ways of appreciating that.
9. Men should usually try to politely avoid strange women to avoid scaring them.
10. Women should react to these efforts in generally positive and approving ways.
A simple rule of thumb for a man when seeing a woman is they prefer brief acknowledgement; then physical and mental avoidance; then may request reassurance, or another brief "I'm not going to bother you" look followed by more avoidance; then may request a flattering look if all goes well. The most important thing for men is to try polite, conservative, quiet and still avoidance to make sure women can relax.
While nobody owes anybody any response except for not physically or verbally bothering others, politely and briefly acknowledging each other on a regular basis can work to help us relax and feel better more consistently, especially in crowded cities where people see and casually engage with lots of people in close quarters on a regular basis. They can either upset each other or make each other happy nearly all the time.
To respect everyone's time and interest-levels, the classic "guy nod" or a simple confident, comfortable and knowing look is likely the best way to suggest a friendly, respectful and harmless approach in passing to help people relax whenever they see each other. The guy nod consists of slightly bowing or raising one's head, briefly making eye contact, then generally ignoring the person in front of them quickly to show they will.
After men acknowledge each other, because of the potential stress and confusion, they should minimize staring and non-verbal communication unless they are forced to get closer and need to quickly reassure each other that they won't cause problems; or unless something is said, done or happening that suggests trading specific looks about something specific out of mutual interest. Otherwise relax as soon as someone lets you.
After men and women trade brief looks, women can either relax and either ignore a man; or act feminine and casually flirt if they want to by getting a man's attention like in a beer commercial. They can seem engaged or oblivious. Women love to make busy men dizzy. It gives them competition for the attention they seek and reassurance in knowing the man is probably going to get back to something when they are finished distracting him.
As long as men are polite, busy and moving out of the way while thinking of something compelling, they can create the cultural conditions for women to relax and do something compelling to distract them and feel consistently validated for their looks, grace and femininity so both sexes feel flattered and compelling. People should give each other credit for helping each other relax, which may include casually relaxing and flirting with each other a lot.
If men are conservative then women can be liberal, or if men chill-out then women can show off, which is empowering and fun for both sexes.
Q. Can you find more ways to casually flirt with men or women all day just for the empowering fun of it?
Q. Can you continue to think positive and find more ways to feel more confident by feeling more capable?
Q. Can you figure out how to appreciate your time to enjoy where you live, what you do and who you are?
Q. Can you appreciate and be appreciated as a man or woman by acting like and seeing men and women?
As long as you can find options, you can consider what works for you. Problem-solving, conflict-resolution and advice for organizations, groups, families, teens, couples and individuals is available. Or, empowering chats about life, love and relationships to help people figure out how to get along better.
Groups of open-minded men and women together or separately would work so people see how others feel about what they all hear, including beliefs being challenged. This will help give them the confidence to use the advice they like. While not every answer will work for you, you can get the ones that do.
Instead of worrying about the same things, do you want to find different answers?
Before breaking up, or getting divorced, would you like to look into all of your options?
You can often figure out what you want, but do you know what you want from each other?
Do you have to lie to family and friends and tell the truth to strangers to make people happy?
Would you like to find more ways to feel respected and valued as a unique and special individual?
Discussions can be held on the phone, over web-cams, at condo meeting rooms, high school or college classrooms, bars or churches, homes or anywhere private. While relationship consulting is among the best ways to empower the most people, feel free to ask about other areas to see if there's a fit.
I look forward to hearing from you.
Relax. Instead of saying you need to relax, you can simply relax by ensuring others around you are relaxed as well. Men and women have done this for years and can use many of the same ideas proven to work today, plus many others. Most people react well to them and they are easy for anyone to try.
As an experienced public speaker, radio and event host, interviewer and performer, I can adapt easily for different audiences. While I am open to requests, I prefer private discussions with individuals, couples and groups to provide holistic and personalized advice and to make sure people get what they need.
Do you see more people having problems confidently communicating with each other?
Have you ever been put off by somebody who was being needy and creepy with strangers?
Would you like to make sure you have some help just in case anybody decides to bother you?
Could different social rules of engagement help men and women feel more relaxed more often?
If someone created and showed you a chair for the first time, you could say "What about 8-foot tall people?", or recognize they might do something different while most people would be happy with a normal sized chair and different styles. It may be worth looking at a few other ideas like this as well.
Of course, not every idea you hear will work for you, but if a few do and they help you relax and do what you do better, they may be worth hearing. People may want to believe in themselves and others and simply need more ways to. Regardless of what you want to believe in, it's good to figure it out.
Please feel free to get in touch so you can compare the advice you get to the rest you hear and to make your own decisions. And of course, to relax.
I look forward to hearing from you.