Friday, February 17, 2012

WYWTBI: Advice


For thousands of years men and women found ways to respect and empower each other. While things weren't always perfect, people had the will to honour their social contracts and recognize their roles; and evidence suggests we still do. While we live in very diverse cultures, certain things haven't changed with respect to the basics:

1. Men want respect and power.

2. Women want love and security.

While individuals will differ; in the collective sense, by acting in ways that reflect these ideas, men and women can appreciate each other more, especially in passing, on a regular basis. This includes how men relate to men; how women relate to women; and how men and women relate to each other. Physical proximity and attention are key:

3. Men are bigger, stronger, faster and more threatening.

4. Women need men to help them feel safe; or they don't.

5. Men need women to respect them without fearing them.

6. Women need men to appreciate them without scaring them. 

As long as these general observations are true, then people know they have to rely on each other individually and collectively to feel happy. Since 90% of communication is non-verbal, it's good to get it right and receive positive, energizing and empowering feedback from the people around you wherever you go. Generally speaking, this works:

7. Men have a very simple job: prevent their size from bothering anyone.

8. Women have a very complicated job: to find ways of appreciating that.

9. Men should usually move away from strange women to avoid scaring them.

10. Women should react to these efforts in generally positive and approving ways.

Note: In some places, losing common courtesy is a real problem, especially in big cities; these issues are in 3D right in front of everyone who has to deal with them daily. 

Note: This stuff should be a safe topic, like like the weather, because so much carelessness or malice is obvious; or "It's too cold, eh?" could easily be "It's too creepy, eh?"

Polite brevity is preferred; or briefly acknowledging others with a look or nod to say hello and let them know you're no threat. After that, no one owes anyone anything. But, while a busy man should hardly bother a busy man; women often see a man's "busy" as competition to beat. Or, need more time and reassuring looks by asking either: 

11. "Are we cool?"

12. "Am I hot?"

Note: Men are generally low-maintenance and don't need repeated re-assuring looks; just "Hi" and "Bye"; they should put the rest in words.

Note: Women are generally high maintenance and prefer either avoidance or reassuring looks; their requests may change every half-second. 

While it doesn't always happen, normally the latter follows the former; but that depends on how they're answered. As long as a man's first priority when he sees a woman he doesn't know is to make sure she feels relaxed and doesn't fear him as a threat; then women can relax and figure out their options to appreciate that; show off, etc.

13. Women in public generally either don't bother; or mildly annoy men; or make them happy; depending on how men move among them.

14. Women in public generally want to get along with men so they are not scared of them; half the population shouldn't fear the other half.

15. Men in public should be conservative; then women can be liberal; which is more empowering for both; or flirty women vs. busy men.

16. Men in public should be busy to be sporting; as long as you want to go back to something it's safe to flirt; or it could be misconstrued.

As living spaces get more crowded, we should act friendly without being needy. Nobody wants to deal with a strangers' problems; only their solutions to enjoy positive interactions. Men should avoid wasting anyone's time without saying anything. Women; who are less threatening; should decide whether to communicate more or not.

17. Women have a "chick taser" remote control mind control yo-yo signal they can use to get a man's attention; they all  know they do and many use it.

18. Women can get attention to feel safe or attractive; or pass on other thoughts using their looks, charm and grace; or direct your eyes to specifics.

19. Men need to smoothly try to get as far away from women as possible in passing in a shared space for them to use it; or invite men to look at them.

20. Men need to react to a woman's signals and their quickly changing minds; many will keep inviting you and kicking you out to make sure they can.

Note: A girl can't drive you crazy for a second if you get close; then she's gotta deal with a pushy crazy guy. Relax; try to get far away and go away; and you just might get it.

Note: There's attractive people, pictures and stuff; and then there's stunning, where a woman will literally "stun" you by cranking up their chick taser. Be consistent to see it.

Note: Most women can jack men up with "chickstasy", or a form of chickie-ecstasy that gets men high when women flirt. Take only as prescribed; or pharma-chicks won't.

Everyone has a shared responsibility to move well in shared spaces; but since men are bigger, stronger and faster and have played more sports, making extra moves to ensure they don't bother or scare others, especially women, is fairly easy and fun. Women have excellent surveillance and see more than they say; so they'll pick up on it.

21. Women are usually smaller, slower and softer; so most use excellent surveillance skills to feel safe wherever they are and see much more than they say.

20. Women will see how other women around them are treated in passing by a man and will respect consistent effort; especially in the same area; and quickly.

21. Men need to avoid moving physically closer to strangers, men or women, then they have to, in shared spaces; it almost always feels threatening on some level.

22. Men need to find that controlling their size to avoid bothering others can feel empowering; sometimes women will move close to flirt or show they're not scared. 

Perhaps it seems counter-intuitive, but men feeling like they're big and strong and scary and have to take extra-precautions to avoid scaring women, children and the elderly leaves them feeling strong in public all the time; plus they receive positive validation if they act on it. If they don't control their power, they receive negative validation.

23. Men approaching women and getting too close can lower their eyes; women almost never punch a strange man; by the end men usually pop-up to a happy look.

24. Women can raise their heads, relax and even slow down to natural speed to validate the man's efforts not to scare them; some may even pull crazy sexy tricks.

25. Men approaching women and getting close can slow down, move out of the way and walk faster later; it's easy for a guy; girls will slow men down if they want.

26. Women can relax and walk naturally slow to acknowledge the man's efforts; her initiating the lengthier closeness will validate his ego; it's a win-win situation.

Walking and talking are really important skills for any culture to work on; especially if they're having trouble. Sticking with walking, it's always a game of angles; but since most guys have played sports, it's not hard to calculate where to go, how fast and so on to avoid bothering others. By doing this, people generally get positive feedback. 

27. Men should know that "Hell hath no flirty like a woman scorned!"; or ignore them and think of something else and many will get mad, compete and flirt with you.

28. Women see the big yellow sign with the big black letters saying "Men At Work" and think "I can beat that!"; or women love to bug a busy guy; so think about it.

29. Men who are construction workers may whistle at women; but women may have started it; that's how many will get validation after working hard on their looks.

30. Women by their nature deserve more concern from men; kind of like if eight-foot tall 400 pound werewolves existed and were asked to give normal guys some.

People need to keep an eye on things where they live to avoid others causing problems at their little house party of a city or town. All it takes is a attention from one or two men in particular to stop things like women being followed, or stalked; people bothering strangers; people pushing others and so on. This will cut down on a lot of stress.  
31. Men should take responsibility for security where they live; then they are not insecure and neither are women; and will keep getting respect for doing their jobs.

32. Men don't need to be confrontational: when a creepy guy is stalking a woman, or following her on purpose, when he's stared at by a guy or two he usually stops.

33. Men need to feel confident by being relaxed yet alert; busy yet aware; focused on their business, yet also ready to handle any issues; to keep their egos healthy. 

34. Men in relationships and otherwise need positive validation from the women around them; otherwise their egos wither as they're feared, ignored and scorned.

Since many people are evolving their non-verbal communication skills, ensuring that we can use them well may help more people packed into crowded cities get along. Generally speaking, most guys can scare most women by looking at them; while most women can't scare most guys by looking at them. This should focus our actions:

35. Women need to talk about this stuff where they live to get the kind of men they want; or empowered ones they respect instead of dis-empowered ones they fear.

36. Women need to understand their comfortable empowerment in our culture is still conditional on the more naturally threatening half of the species acting right.

37. Men need to understand the old ideal of the high school quarterback or rock star; or the kind of guy who women want to flirt with is who they want to aim to be.

38. Men need to talk about how to calm other guys down as if they were at a house party where they would figure out how to stop weirdos from wrecking the vibe.  

Part of this involves reversing some damage done; namely some guys, who aren't gay, still trying to flirt with other guys in needy and creepy ways; many choose to stalk girls as well. I've dealt with thousands since the summer of 2011 in Ontario in public; many of whom are now in recovery. The facts are clear in 3D in front of everybody:

39. Men have to stop trying to bother strangers in needy and creepy ways; like trying to force guys to look at or be close to them; or threatening soft-targets in girls.

40. Men who aren't gay are doing this: gay guys pick up on signals; leave girls alone and usually have too much pride to bother someone with no interest in them.

41. Men of all ages and races were jealously copying girls by playing with their hair; fake bra-strap; ass and crotch and trying to show off for guys in bizarre ways.

42. Men should know that everyone notices this; both sexes acknowledge me when I point it out; and seeing the worst cases scares the mild ones into stopping.

When men try to stare at each other like they want to be cute girls, they don't satisfy themselves or others since they're not cute girls and they're not acting like men. Some become more aggressively needy; many walk close enough to touch strangers on purpose with lots of space available; then some start. Fortunately, this can be stopped: 

43. Women who see this should talk about it disapprovingly: most guys are embarrassed they're doing it; hate getting caught; and hate that all the girls hate it too.

44. Women should feel sorry for them: most of these guys would have punched a guy in the head a couple of years ago for saying they liked guys looking at them.

45. Men should realize they shouldn't turn good old fashioned "What the hell are you looking at?" into "Why the hell aren't you looking at me?" and act all creepy. 

46. Men should realize that they owe strangers brief respect; as soon as they start silently getting needy with each other, they will lose all respect for each other.

After it started organically as expressed concern for women bothered by creepy guys, I've run most of these ideas by Canadians as they come up as a faux-flash mobbing performance artist. Thousands of Canadians have quietly expressed their approving feelings about this in front of each other; or more trust-worthy results than most polls.

47. Canadians will show each other that most agree with the above by saying hello before, during and after I present these ideas; nearly all of them in friendly ways.

48. Canadians can see that they're more confident and relaxed and like each other more when they move amongst each other in more logical and respectful ways.

49. Canadians demonstrate that they like this concept as one way of simplifying things: "Women are fun; men are gun; gun protects fun; otherwise we have no fun."

50. Canadian men feel increased bonding and pride when these issues are publicly presented and they see women approve of men taking charge so they feel safe.

One great things is many of these ideas are intuitive and based on concepts like chivalry. Since it is not as fashionable today and a number of technical details can help implement ideas successfully, I am available for comment or consultation; to answer questions; help repair relationships and more. Please be in touch as you'd like.



Contact 647.781.1580 or wywtbi @ for details.