Friday, April 01, 2005

Gangsta GOP: Conservatives Set to Pay Rappers 50 Million Dollars to Rap Republican Values


Gangsta GOP:
Conservatives Set to Pay Rappers 50 Million Dollars to Rap Republican Values

"I'm sorry you's time to get paid
pull out my uzi and make sure the liberals get sprayed
Cause we the click that's running this land...
GOP in the house taking a stand..."

'F#%K the Liberals'
CCC (Compton Conservative Comrads)

Coming at the heels of the recent announcement by marketing firm Maven Strategies to pay popular rap artist to spit lyrics about the virtues of McDonalds, in particular the Big Mac sandwich, other marketing firms have taken note. It has become glaringly obvious to Fortune 500 companies and Madison Avenue advertising agencies that the best way to sell a product is to employ the rhyming services of Hip Hop artists.

The successful marketing campaign behind Seagrams Gin via North Carolina artist Petey Pablo who drove sales through the roof after he rapped about it in his song "Freek-A-Leak" has helped open the flood gates. That particular song was played a whooping 350 thousand times last year on commercial radio outlets and reached closed to 1.5 billion people (yes you read that correctly- 1.5 billion) world wide with its enticing message. That's far better marketing penetration then anyone could hope for with traditional advertising.

Enter the Tokeback Institute out of Resslin, Virginia. This is an ultra conservative marketing firm that specializes in mainstreaming right wing values that are being championed by the current Bush administration. They pride themselves on being the marketing gurus behind getting Americans to buy into the policies supporting the War in Iraq as well as the new love and desire for "High Morals".

The secretive conservative institute now has set its sights on Hip Hop. They not only want to, but fully intend to follow in the footsteps of McDonalds and Seagrams Gin and will began paying popular rap artists as much as a million dollars plus bonuses to rap about conservative policies. It's called political product placement.

"We don't want them to change their style of dress or basic mannerisms, we just want them to do what they do best except push our various policy messages to their fans, said CEO John L. Kressler. Our substantial contacts within media will insure that are seen and heard.

"We are set to offer popular artists like "Fiddy Cent", Fat Joe, P-Diddy or The Game 50 million dollars to rap about some of our key issues like renewing the Patriot Act, Abstaining from Sex and loving the wisdom and integrity of George Bush."

"50 Million buckaroos is a lot of Bling Bling for these rap guys", Kressler said. "What the heck we'll even throw in a couple of Maybach automobiles and a case of Hennesy if that will help seal the deal. If they can sell expensive basketball shoes and convince my good Christian son to act like and little gang banger from the inner city, they can sell the importance of joining the army which now needs new recruit".

Kressler continued, "I am by no means a rap fan, but my kids are. I have a son who is 14 years old who not only tries to dress like his favorite rapper Fiddy Cent, but he has actually adapted some of his habits, values and mannerisms. He walks around the house mimicking this new African American rap style of speech in which everything rhymes with the letter Z. For example his name is Sam but he insists on his friends calling him "Sam-izzle".

Kressler laughed, "We are a conservative average ordinary white family from Virginia, but because of this rap music my kids are turning out Black."

It is with this revelation that Kressler and his Tokeback Institute decided to start approaching popular rap artists with offers they simply can not refuse. "We can be very convincing when we have to be", he smiled. ˜Maybe it's money we offer, maybe it's a new expensive car filled with all the latest gadgets and bling bling. Maybe we can help get them out of legal trouble".

Kressler was of course referring to the recent rash of artists who find themselves afoul of the law including Lil Kim who is looking at 20 years jail time after being convicted for lying to a grand jury.

"Let's just put it this way", Kressler chuckled, "we can get you out of jail is you start rapping for us conservatives."

Kressler went on to explain that the more trouble with the law a rapper has the more credibility he or she has in hawking his message.

"Nobody believes a goody two shoes", he said. "But take a guy who has been in jail or looks like he is is going to jail and his fan base will follow him to the ends of the earth. So although this doesn't fit well with our traditional family values, we clearly understand that within the rap world, jail time and confrontations with law enforcement are important criteria for success."

"My son Sam calls them "Ghetto Superstars". I call them the "missing ingredients" to winning over the inner city for the GOP. Everybody knows a popular rapper in trouble with the law holds far more influence than a Jesse Jackson or any other inner city leaders", Kressler asserted. "They keep it real which is important in the age of Reality TV."

Kressler also noted that in addition to paying 50 million bucks to popular artists to Rap for Bush, his firm is in the process of recruiting, training and eventually releasing their own cadre of conservative rappers. He explained that he was becoming increasingly disturbed by the increasing number of gangster rappers who were spreading lies and falsehoods about George Bush.

Kressler was referring to rapper Jadakiss who accused the president of being part of a conspiracy to knock down the World Trade center towers. "That was not only a big lie but totally irresponsible", he quipped. "What we intend to do is bring forth our own rap army that are on par with any other artist on the scene, the big difference is they will speak the real truth. We want a conservative equivalent to Public Enemy, dead presidents or Immortal Technique. Our institute has been studying their records and overall technique and methodology for delivery compelling political messages."

One technique being utilized by Tokenback's new conservative rappers is to take popular songs and rewrite them with conservative values. For example, one group which call themselves Gangsta GOP have just finished mastering a song called "Fight The Liberals" which uses the same rhythm track as Public Enemy's ˜Fight The Power".

Group founder and lead rapper Sinister X noted that what we heard will be the second release for Gangsta GOP or GGOP for short.

The dreadlocked Sinister who wears a huge red, black and green microphone tattoo on his left arm explained that he's from Brownsville, Brooklyn, and had been in and out of jail all his life before he found his way to the GOP side of things.

"I used to be a thug who terrorized the hood, but now I'm a revolutionary who is riding thick for the GOP." He noted that the groups first single is actually a dis or response record to Jadakiss and his popular song ˜Why?™.

"Our song is called "Why Sell Out", explained Sinister X. "We wanna know why the young comrade is espousing lies and trying to appeal to the left which never ever does anything for our people. He's wrong for misleading our brothers and sister. We had no choice but to dis Jada on wax and let him know we coming at him GOP style."

He noted that people should be on the look out for a another group supported and sponsored by the Tokenback Institute out of California called CCC which stands for Compton's Conservative Comrads. They are remaking NWA songs with a a soon to be released album tentatively titled "Straight From the GOP"

Kressler ended by promising that within the next 3 months the Tokenback Institute will have several conservative rappers like GGOP on commercial radio that will totally change the music landscape. In the meantime, they will be enticing artists with nice fat paychecks to show their love and go conservative.

If you wanna peep the new single by Gangsta GOP you can download the single by going to our music archives.


G-G-G-G-O-P Unit!!!



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