RESET: Moving On or Moving Forward, It's Up to Whomever, Including Me, To Help Have a Good Future
Just a head's up and my apologies for not posting more. I have a lot to say as usual, but I'm just not in the mood based on what's happened, or what's not happened, or both. I'm not sure what to expect, but I sure as heck can act like it and hopefully convince others to. As usual it seemed to be working to some degree.
However, I'm better at thinking than doing since I love the analytical process more than the work and I always wanted to put us in the general sense in a position to win our future. I think I have, especially since I can always be the guy screaming "Fire!" in a crowded theatre at this point. Still, this has been my undoing for decades as I struggle to live up to my limitless potential as I see it, or a fair amount as many others often do.
Still, after working hard I've been hardly working as I crash after the high of potentially influencing a city of 5 million people and planet of 7 billion people to help people get along better and save our normal masculinity and femininity while of course being tolerant of anyone who wants to differ without bothering others as well.
I've put myself in a position where nearly everyone everywhere I go wants to say something to me but can't and are typically spazzing out to make their point; or they just want me to look at them often whether I want to or not; or they want me to say something but I won't anymore, or at least not often whenever I can help it since I don't want to isolate or impoverish myself for trying to do the right thing albeit perhaps at times in the wrong way too often. Fortunately a lot of good things have been accomplished over the last two years in the general sense at the expense of my normal life and responsibilities to others which is a major regret for myself and probably them as they miss their old buddy "Vij" who used to party and more better who they deserve. I owe people I know better just like I tried to give everyone else and everyone else had better get used to it or get in touch if they want something else and are welcome to. I also realize I owe everyone else better and need to put myself in the position to lift people up more normally and formally than informally which involves time, money, access and more which I'm trying to engineer now as I move on from my past activities. Again.
While I can positively influence environments everywhere I go by saying stuff or carrying myself well, I don't see the need to bother anymore since I haven't been supported well enough to do it consistently enough to make a permanent impact. Plus, I can't since I've basically run out of enough time, money, energy and most importantly inspiration, especially since most women and girls are quickly losing their ability and desire to get attention in mutually fulfilling and flattering ways as a result of what's been happening and some resent me for it. While like Jonah at Nineveh I'm pretty sick of not getting compensated for my efforts in any ways that allow me to sustain myself and the isolation that comes with being the only person I know who's focused on helping us with these issues when most people are afraid to discuss them -- and like Jonah probably getting punished for my desires as opposed to focusing on others' as well, it's still a great regret that I couldn't do a better job to save them and the men and boys being socialized to destroy their grace and beauty. We'll miss our ability to make each other happy on a consistent basis especially in crowded cities if it keeps going this way if we even remember that we used to be able to very naturally. Our potential is there and I know it.
Still, I'm in a great position to help people out if they're interested and able to -- the latter being a key factor.
So, after working outside in I want to work inside out, or after getting to know everyone and having them get to know me, I want to focus on individuals and small groups instead of the whole as a smart and ballsy guy.
My ancestors were Vishwamitra brahmins and learned men who would trade insights with the common folk who didn't have the time to learn as much for a meal and a place to stay and I want to offer an updated version of the same to anyone who's interested. Otherwise it's cool, people can do whatever they want or whatever they're socialized into doing that they don't really want to do, or something like that I'm guessing.
While I want to run for Mayor, I'm not sure what my "brand" is worth since I don't get any verbal feedback and the non-verbal feedback is getting increasingly intolerable for me to look at and hard to understand. Plus, I don't want to confuse the social and political or commit people to supporting anything they don't want to.
So, I'm switching to the lowest impact position possible, or someone who is open to conversations about whatever people want to talk about informally or privately and formally to make it easier to go beyond small talk. If people want to then great, if not then no problem, or at least not mine and hopefully not theirs either.
While people are typically supposed to say they're doing "great" to avoid having to burden anyone with their troubles, I get to experience people's frustrations non-verbally all day and night, or at least I could more easily when I could handle looking at and reading people pre-spazzing and pre-WWZ fast-zombie running and so on. If this doesn't make sense to you then unfortunately it's become normal, or perhaps it does and it's something you're not comfortable talking about as seems to be the case. After tracking many of the changes to our body language over the last two years I can say with certainty that we're not what we used to be as men, women and children and we're not as comfortable as we used to be as a result, so this is an issue.
Please feel free to get in touch to discuss whatever you want and deal with the root causes of our verbal and non-verbal communications issues if you'd like and can. Otherwise I'll focus on taking an allegorical stand using t-shirts, music, stand up comedy and whatever else I can think of to feed the audience I created and help them in other ways. It might take longer and it'll be harder, but also possibly more fun, so why not.