Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Zombie Tales from My Porch: May 21, 2013, 8:45 am -- We know what's up. But we don't say. Yet.




Zombie Tales from My Porch: May 21, 2013, 8:45 am

We know what's up. But we don't say. Yet.


FYI, just a head's up on what happens when I have a coffee on my porch. A women walks by all excited to show off and then forgets to relax, so I have to ignore her and at the end say something to avoid her feeling too bad. A man doing some construction work nearby wants me to keep looking at him getting stuff out of his trunk after I quickly and politely say hello. I say "No thanks, I don't just want to stare at you or pretend you're a girl, just tell me what you want." Instead of looking at me mad or saying something, he looks hurt and tries to get me to look at him walking while I insist I don't want to over and over again. This happens over and over and over again every day, even while I stand on my porch having a coffee trying to ignore it.

As much as men can continue to deny it, when I can yell stuff like this to thousands of big, strong, successful and capable Canadian adult men and it just turns them on or off, or they want more attention or just stop as opposed to getting mad at me for even saying something like that to them, then I know I'm on to something.

Men might take this big zombie-girl desire to their graves. If they decide to, then that's probably how they'll get there. As long as they remain frustrated and frustrating they'll destroy themselves and everyone else too.

Soon some men, women and children walk by and many start moving faster and sketchier to compete for attention which is too unpleasant to look at. One young asian girl about 10 years old is actually relaxed, relaxing and respectful and as a grown-ass man I can say it was a pleasure to casually keep an eye on her as she walked to school as she relaxes and appreciates it. This friendly exchange is validating for both parties and what has likely been happening for thousands of years with unfortunate aberrations the exception not the rule.

However, soon she's attacked by a 6'5" white guy walking like crazy and swinging his arms like a deranged zombie-girl wearing a sundress who runs at her trying to time his movements perfectly to try to steal the casual reassurance and flattery I'm giving her, as if this will make anyone happy, or as if I cross-checked a girl in the back of the head who he was looking at to steal the look he was giving her for myself then he'd be happy. I ignore him, then make fun of him, then apologize to the little girl for his behaviour and men and boys' in general. I then tell her to try to relax and keep her thoughtful grace even though it's hard because she's getting attacked by people who are jealous of her. She seems to signal that she understands and moves on.

Little boys and girls walk by and understand this too. While some are sheepish and harassing, many just chill out and move on. Everyone reacts well to my words. This is the only reason I still try to fight to get them out.

Then a beautiful 17 year old girl in a school uniform hears me and tries to get attention by walking faster and sketchier, so I tell her I can't give it to her because it's too unpleasant. Or, I say something like "I'm sorry, you're very pretty, but I can't give you credit for acting nervous and sure don't want any blame, so I'll have to pass on keeping an eye on you." She chills out a bit, gets some attention and moves on. It's too bad it wasn't better, but there's only so much I can do without saying anything and even only so much I can do when I do.

Then a middle-aged woman hears me and looks a little bummed while getting my attention with her head down. So, I tell her "Sorry ma'am, I told you this would happen and my website is What You Want To Believe In Dot Com. Please support me since I'm the only man I know working on this and I'll have to stop unless I get help otherwise people will think I'm crazy even if I'm just trying to stop them from acting crazy and not saying anything about it." This is generally true with individuals who I call on this unless there are lots of people there to see it. In that case everyone just says hello all the time even if I talk about this all the time and try to stop it. This is our big, collective, shared and dirty little secret since we all know what's going on.

Sometimes I tell the guys I don't want to stare at them. Other times I ignore them and go back to my podcast or whatever's on my mind. Since I don't bother people like this at all, everyone can feel it's safe to say hello.

With women and girls it's especially defeating to want attention and not be able to get it since they're women and girls, so I often say something to avoid destroying their egos by ignoring them. However, this has been happening for so long that they're practically defeated. It's crushing to see how far they've fallen from grace.

While I ignored some boys pestering me to look at them for a while like they're girls instead of just saying hello, a young black kid about 10 years old biked by with a strange and worried look on his face and said a quick hello with a quick and intelligent look. So, I said to him "Good morning, just try to exchange some respect kid, then you'll keep it. I might lose everything else, but I won't lose respect by trying any of this crap on anyone else." However, I might lose respect just by talking about it unless I can get the support I need to continue. So, I'm working on how to stop after blurting out stuff like this on my blog. What else can I say?

Even in the few videos I watch and TV I see people don't respond well to others scratching, wiping, picking, coughing, sneezing and more to get attention or help make their point. Men in particular who want the most attention for either their girly moves or "Not Itchy But Scratchy Show" sketchiness are often quickly ignored by the cameraperson cutting away or other people in the frame. Nobody likes this sheepish sideways sh-t.

I even saw Dwayne Wade ignore his assistant coach wiping his nose to get attention while watching a few minutes of a training video, for example. I've also seen the cameraman cutting away from a woman on "Shark Tank" scratching her head wildly while talking, two local TV hosts on either side of Charles Barkley stop him from wiping and scratching while talking and many other examples. People don't really want to see this much in real life or on TV, as we can see. So, the only question is whether we'll try to force each other to or not.

Since I've engineered ways to speak freely even here in Communist Canada about our biggest concerns, I'd like to help others do the same so they can avoid frustrating themselves and others. Not like me. Like "you".

For some reason people don't mind me trying to fix this, they just need to help me or I can't and will have to stop and most of them know it too. I know it sounds like I'm whining, but I'm whining for you to help me help you, so I'm not that upset about it. This sort of thing either works or it doesn't. It's a win or lose game.

If it works then we're all happier. If it doesn't then we're all more miserable. Think about it. That's about it.

I'm a soldier and survivor and will typically be fine here, or I'll just move like I did in 2011 to escape from all the supportive silence and nothing else for what I'd been doing up until that point. I'm built for this by design.

While it's been convenient to be a lightning rod for this zombie controversy, millions of people have only put me in a good position to fix this as opposed to having that fact fix it on its own. Which is better than nothing.

At least I hope you think so.

This is where you come in.

Check it out if you'd like.


It's Nice To Meet You

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What You Want To Believe In... Is People