Thursday, April 25, 2013

Mission Impossible For (?): Ghost Protocol


Mission Impossible For (?): Ghost Protocol

“Don’t ever leave me, say you’ll always be there, all I ever wanted, was for you, to know that I care.” – Rocket Queen

Relax, “Mission Impossible For (?): Ghost Protocol” was completed over two years with about a million people in Ottawa and about two million in Toronto. Hundreds a day say friendly hellos and if we use this fact we’ll master the singularity.

This was an organic reaction to people knowing, but not talking, about how straight men now silently copy female body language, want men to stare at, instead of look at them, don’t get enough action, act sheepish, tricky and aggressive,jealously harass, crowd and stalk women to steal real-girl looks, fail, don’t admit it, then act normal again. Women hate this, feel less safe and feminine, copy fast and pushy zombie-girl moves and lose it. Children feel confused. People feel unfulfilled by bored, nervous, gross and lazy wiping and scratching to talk. We need higher standards to relax and enjoy.

Many men silently bug me like pushy girls. If I say “What do you want?” they get scared and leave. It’s sad and funny and I wish them better. I’m fine, but when I saw women stalked become a silent epidemic, I started to get loud in Ottawa on Canada Day 2011 and think we can fix this to win the Battle of the Sexes by Canada Day 2013. To prove what’s possible, I was average height, weight, build and looking. Without “300” men to help, nobody saying anything and me never knowing what’ll happen, I used a third person alpha male persona with a deeper voice, aka “Ghost Protocol”, to speak to quiet, observant and connected people in ways they get but don’t need to respond to, clear up awkward interactions, calm, counsel, flirt with and save countless women from stalkers, trade allegorical stimuli, feel respected and casually walk, talk, joke, sing and rap everywhere to “get” the girls and learn how to give them back to their men. Fun and done.

My name is Vijay Sarma and I’m 39 going on 29 on April 28th. You may think I should be done with this silly stuff and move on. Or just anonymously donate cash at a TD Canada Bank and I’ll take care of the rest. Or get in touch. Or I’m into sales, marketing, journalism, arts and public speaking and need a job. It’s all up to you. Just don’t forget what YOU want.

People want to stop turning verbal communication issues into non-verbal ones, so I thought they’d just silently “get” it and stop. It worked in downtown Toronto by September 2012. But, I had to stop and it came back. Now, I’m out, or “Just A Gigolo” or “Rent-A-Man” with manswers. Don’t take it for granted. Call me to do whatever you want. Except with help.

Like Coldplay’s “Paradise” (not parasite) it should be nice to meet you. Non-verbally, men exchange eye contact to stay polite, busy, brief and move out of the way with no worries. When women can be and men agree they’re inherently special, they both relax. Ironically, men just need to focus on something, like figuring out how to control the future. Women are better at multi-tasking to handle food, fashion, fun, charm, grace, competing with men’s ambition for their security and vanity, feeling safe and sexy, trading validating vulnerability for power with ballsy men who help them cross streets and so on. Plus, if you say it to 300 they start dancing! Men are busy, relax with “The Real Her” (Drake) wherever and go back happy. Women feel relaxed, bored and mischievous and distract men in mysterious, brilliant and beautiful ways. People empower each other. This is what you want to believe in and you got it coming. Get in touch to get it done.

Ladies: turn up the Taylor Swift and feel your eggs. I’m just a happy hippy like Deepak Chopra with bigger balls, so “Take A Shot For Me” (Drake). We all flirt so you can be vulnerable, plus some man knows better so he’d better. We can relax, enjoy fruity drinks and grilled chicken sandwiches and joke about how to fix them. Or “Don’t Think Twice, It’s Alright”.

Gentlemen: I’m a “Soldier” (Eminem) and we should “Talk” (Coldplay). All your girls can make you happy. Ask me how.

Talk to you soon,



Helping you figure out...



If you don't want to talk about it, but still want me to fix it, no problem. Just visit a TD Canada branch, use this info and donate cash.

Name: Vijay Sarma

TD Canada Trust Bank Account Number: 3058-6062898

Just say I'm a performance artist you want to anonymously support. If I get enough donations, I'll find new ways to finish this myself.



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